world is round..nice joke

Teacher:

Why u didn't solve your homework??

Student:

Sir, there was no light...

Teacher:

U should light the candle than.!

Student,

Sir, there was no Lighter...

teacher;

Why u don't have a Lighter !?!

student,

Sir, The candle was placed where we use to pray...

Teacher:

SO..u should take from there.!!

Student,

Sir, I was taking bath...

Teacher,

Why u didn't took the bath??

Student,

No water available...
Teacher,

Why water was not available.?!

Student,

Motor was not working....

Teacher,

Stupid!!! Why the motor was not working!?!!

Student,

Sir,, I have told u there was no light :P

think twice before you do anything :p

A GIRL Puts Her Fingers
Near HOTEL MANAGER’S
Lips.
MANAGER Kisses n sucks
Each Finger
,
,
GIRL: Tell Ur BOSS There
Is No Tissue Paper In ur
TOILET…

Learning process from father to son...funny one

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about theworld around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

Dedicated to all hard working engineer

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said: Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an Animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a Horse
I go to work running like a Deer
I work all the day like a Donkey
I run around for 11 months like a Bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a Monkey if I get time.
I am like a Rabbit before my wife

Doctor: Are you an ENGINEER?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

Hans Schmidt or Sam ting...wats real name :)

A man was walking through Chinatown when he noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.
"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.
"Is simple," says the old Oriental man.
"Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big German guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, "What your name?"
He say, "Hans Schmidt."
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say, Sam Ting." :p


For those who don't understand this(Sam Ting=same thing)

Retired Man at the Doctor's Office..funny joke

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk,
I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me,
a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH RETIRED GUYS, THEY ARE READY FOR  YOU!

Courtroom Humour

A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beatingyour mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damned bastard!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime,

but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"

The man at the back of the court stood up and responded,

"For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he never had one!"

Sports Fan Husband funny joke

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television.

Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide.

My husband is insanely jealous."

There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.

The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football.

Inside the TV, the repairman was all squished up and getting hotter and hotter.

Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, he climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door.

The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"

Time fo PJS (in hindi)

PJS For hindi readers ......

Question: 

One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day For All his bad deeds.  He felt that he should go an Apologise to Ram for all the problems he had Caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram  Opened  the  door and was surprised to find Ravan Standing there. Ravan just kept  staring  and Thinking But didn't say a word. What was he thinking?









Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"

Question: How do you "cut" roads?






Ans: By laughing. Because "Haste haste cut jaye Raaste".



Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya  Hai?.....



....Socho, socho. Nahi pata?








Ans: D'Cold; Because. Chan ki saans - D'Cold

Question: ChaloABbatao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka Naam Kya hai? ....



......



This one's really simple.



Ans: D'Cold again. Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu  Thi 


A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A Software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question?











"So, which platform are you working on?"

Question: What do you call a person who is leaving India?








Ans: HindustanLever.


Question: Who is Joe?

 

Ans: Kambakth ishq. Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"




Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie  "my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he Really Want to see?








Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.



These will make u fall off urchair!!

Woh kaun  sa  Hindi geet hai jis main "Internet  Explorer" ka zikar kiya gayaHai???

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as InternetExplorer.

If you don't know.

Scroll down for the answer.



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The answer is. MainePyar Kiya.

And the song goes..







Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)



MausamNElee angada IE



To kis baat ki hai lada IE



Tu chal.... Main IE !!!