Out Of Book Solution-- very very funny....must read

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor gets his history and gives him an exam, he discovers that the man has tried practically every therapy known for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the doctor, "I have migraines, too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school. But, it is advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while."

The doctor continued, "Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in five weeks."

Five weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for fifteen years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."

Story of life save Pig.....very funny story

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.”

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks “Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig’s neck?”

The farmer says “Sure. It’s really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son’s life. So, we gave him the medal.”

The vagrant is amazed and says “Well, how about that silver medal?”

The farmer says “A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.”

The homeless man says “While I’m at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.”

The farmer says “My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal”

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks “What about the wooden leg?”

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like THAT all at once!”

Intelligent Santa ....Best joke of the year

A Santa and his wife are traveling by car from Delhi to Mumbai. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,
but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
Rs. 5000/- The Santa explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren't worth Rs. 5000/-.

When the clerk tells him Rs. 5000/- is the standard rate, the man insists
on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Santa ,
and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge
conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Santa complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from, Hollywood and Las Vegas
perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," Santa complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter
what facility the Manager mentions, the Santa replies "But we didn't use
it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Santa finally gives up
and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.

"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for Rs.1500/."
"That's right," says the Santa , "I charged you Rs. 3500/- for sleeping
with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Santa replies, "she was here, and you could have."

This joke won an award..tooo good

MBA v/s Engineer

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a
competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Economically there are mass scales of stars in the sky.
So "Economy of Scale " would be the ideal strategy in that market.
Strategically such market would be a volume driven market
Financially it would be a low margin market.
From HR point of view we would require huge manpower
What does it tell you?"
The Engineer is silent for a moment, then speaks.


"Practically"
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"Someone has stolen our TENT"

Top rated jokes

Which Tyre..????/

At Duke University, there were four friends taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.


These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.


Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.


The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.


They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.


On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?


Horse calling .....

A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he says.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.

She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

When he comes to, he says, "What the heck was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse just phoned."


What old lady wants??

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So the oldest son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

The next son bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.

The youngest son had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. It was the only parrot in the world that could do this. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but very delicious."

Statues revenge...

Two beautiful statues in a park, facing each other across the grass, one of a young girl and the other of a young man, looking towards each other like young lovers. These statues gave so much pleasure to people visiting the park that God looked down and decided to reward them with life for 30 minutes, on a Sunday when the park was closed to the public.

Immediately when they came alive, they ran together into the bushes and could be heard giggling and cooing with pleasure and the bushes were shaking. After 15 minutes they came out and realized that they still had 15 minutes more life to live.

"What shall we do now then" said the boy statue. "Let's do the same thing again" she replied. "Okay", said the boy statue, "but this time, you hold the pigeons down while I shit on them".

How to find your lost wife??

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Where do u work???

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

Jokes that won awards

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition
organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian ........

Banta Strikes Back!!! Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders
three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out
of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and
orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai,
the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we
promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when  we drank
together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He
orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,
the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and
he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are
alive".

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"Only thing is ---- I've just quit drinking"!!!!!!

I will add new award jokes to this post from time to time. Stay tunned :).