Learning process from father to son...funny one

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about theworld around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

very humourous joke about software developer

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all  part of our team
now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen
for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals
promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very
hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has
disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The
cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss
has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you
idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of
the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team
leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything,
and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please
don't eat a person who is working."

Understanding Computer ...too funny

How to know you are in trouble...funny one

how ecosystem works....very funny

Think about this image,when you next time eat snow.

Blonde and TV..funny

One day, a blond walked into a store. She wanted to buy a t.v. She goes up to the clerk and she says " How much for the television." " We don't sell to blonds" So the next day, she dies her hair. So goes to the same store, gets the same T.V. and she goes up to the clerk, "How muck for this T.V." Sorry, we don't sell to blonds." The next day, she dies her body black, goes to the same store, gets the same item, and goes to the clerk, "How much for this T.V" "Sorry, we don't sell to blonds, besides thats a microwve.

"Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you're stupid" - John Wayne..too good‏

First-year students at Texas A & M's Vet school were attending their first
Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.                                      
                                                                           
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a    
White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In          
Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a  
Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the  
Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched
his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in
his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.        
                                                                           
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually    
took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in
their mouth.                                                              
                                                                           
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second
most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and
tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention…                    
                                                                           
Moral of the story:                                                                                                        
                                                                           
"Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you're stupid" - John Wayne.    

Management Vs Employee Funny Images

Four friends and their sons....awesome

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at
a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied
Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company.
He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line
Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight
school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the
company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich
that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'


The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love
him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was
two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from
his three boyfriends.--

very stupid joke....but really funny

Read till the end....too good..

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that..."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

Funny Story :) Do Read

Funny story... Do read!!!

Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices - either I maul you to death or we make love." After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaskawhere he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, that was a big mistake, Bob that was my cousin and you've got two choices - either I maul you to death or I make love with you." Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death.

So the grizzly had his way with Bob. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaskaand managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bob. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Office T-Shirts..Don't miss it

Husbends last wish :) Must Read

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. 

He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, 

“Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!” she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”

She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”

“I sure did, ” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”

Very funny joke...:)

A lady was on a plane, arriving from Switzerland . She found herself seated next to a nice priest.

She asked him, " Excuse me Father, could I ask you a favor ? "

The priest replied, " Of course my child. What can I do for you ? "

I have a small problem and wonder whether you could help. I bought myself a new sophisticated women's hair remover gadget, for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the cutoms duty declaration limits. As I do not have enough money to pay duty, I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock ? " 

The priest replied, " Of course I could, my child. But, you must realize that being a priest, I can not lie ! "
The lady said, " You have such an honest face Father. I am sure they will not ask you any questions "
So, she gave him the ' Hair remover ' gadget, which the priest put under his cassock. The aircraft arrived at its destination. The priest presented himself to one of the customs officers.
He asked the priest, " Father, do you have anything to declare ? "

The priest replied truthfully, " Son . . . . from the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare "
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, " And from the sash down father, what do you have ?"
Again the priest replied truthfully, " Son . . . . I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but . . . . which has never been used ! " 

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, " Go ahead Father. Next person please . . . . . !!! "

Holy Parrot...funny

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi,  Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest?s house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi,  Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"      

wife explained in technicle terms..very funny

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks, Joe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be
able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter
the command
C:\ APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system
will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take
the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance.

Consider buying addition software to improve the performance of Wife
1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

Psycho The Rapist...very funny

One day a Mr.Joe goes to a library and asks for a book.

The beautiful librarian asks him the name of the book.

Joe says: "Psycho The Rapist"

Librarian searches for the book for a long time, comes back, slaps Joe and says: You idiot, It is "Psychotherapist" .

Santa after winning lottery :)

Santa gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

Santa's wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

Santa yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"

What's so funny?really gud one...

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over. He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. Now he's getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

Actual Problem :) hahahaha

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your nose.Also Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."