world is round..nice joke

Teacher:

Why u didn't solve your homework??

Student:

Sir, there was no light...

Teacher:

U should light the candle than.!

Student,

Sir, there was no Lighter...

teacher;

Why u don't have a Lighter !?!

student,

Sir, The candle was placed where we use to pray...

Teacher:

SO..u should take from there.!!

Student,

Sir, I was taking bath...

Teacher,

Why u didn't took the bath??

Student,

No water available...
Teacher,

Why water was not available.?!

Student,

Motor was not working....

Teacher,

Stupid!!! Why the motor was not working!?!!

Student,

Sir,, I have told u there was no light :P

think twice before you do anything :p

A GIRL Puts Her Fingers
Near HOTEL MANAGER’S
Lips.
MANAGER Kisses n sucks
Each Finger
,
,
GIRL: Tell Ur BOSS There
Is No Tissue Paper In ur
TOILET…

Learning process from father to son...funny one

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about theworld around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

Dedicated to all hard working engineer

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said: Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an Animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a Horse
I go to work running like a Deer
I work all the day like a Donkey
I run around for 11 months like a Bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a Monkey if I get time.
I am like a Rabbit before my wife

Doctor: Are you an ENGINEER?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

Hans Schmidt or Sam ting...wats real name :)

A man was walking through Chinatown when he noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.
"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.
"Is simple," says the old Oriental man.
"Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big German guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, "What your name?"
He say, "Hans Schmidt."
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say, Sam Ting." :p


For those who don't understand this(Sam Ting=same thing)

Retired Man at the Doctor's Office..funny joke

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk,
I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me,
a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH RETIRED GUYS, THEY ARE READY FOR  YOU!

Courtroom Humour

A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beatingyour mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damned bastard!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime,

but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"

The man at the back of the court stood up and responded,

"For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he never had one!"

Sports Fan Husband funny joke

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television.

Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide.

My husband is insanely jealous."

There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.

The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football.

Inside the TV, the repairman was all squished up and getting hotter and hotter.

Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, he climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door.

The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"

Time fo PJS (in hindi)

PJS For hindi readers ......

Question: 

One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day For All his bad deeds.  He felt that he should go an Apologise to Ram for all the problems he had Caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram  Opened  the  door and was surprised to find Ravan Standing there. Ravan just kept  staring  and Thinking But didn't say a word. What was he thinking?









Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"

Question: How do you "cut" roads?






Ans: By laughing. Because "Haste haste cut jaye Raaste".



Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya  Hai?.....



....Socho, socho. Nahi pata?








Ans: D'Cold; Because. Chan ki saans - D'Cold

Question: ChaloABbatao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka Naam Kya hai? ....



......



This one's really simple.



Ans: D'Cold again. Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu  Thi 


A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A Software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question?











"So, which platform are you working on?"

Question: What do you call a person who is leaving India?








Ans: HindustanLever.


Question: Who is Joe?

 

Ans: Kambakth ishq. Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"




Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie  "my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he Really Want to see?








Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.



These will make u fall off urchair!!

Woh kaun  sa  Hindi geet hai jis main "Internet  Explorer" ka zikar kiya gayaHai???

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as InternetExplorer.

If you don't know.

Scroll down for the answer.



> >>>



> >>>



> >>>




> >>>



> >>>



> >>>



> >>>



The answer is. MainePyar Kiya.

And the song goes..







Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)



MausamNElee angada IE



To kis baat ki hai lada IE



Tu chal.... Main IE !!!

what people say and what they mean...funny image

what people say and what they mean...funny image

what people say and what they mean -4...funny image

what people say and what they mean...funny image

what people say and what they mean -3...funny image

what people say and what they mean...funny image

what people say and what they mean-2...funny image

what people say and what they mean -1 ...funny image

what people say and what they mean...funny image

"I need to talk to you"....reminds you alot :P

A few things American movies taught their kids--funny image

A few things American movies taught their kids--funny image

Geek Alert :) funny image

Husband store ... very funny joke

Husband Stores
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men…

The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.



So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?”

So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
“Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
“Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
“Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store and have a nice day. :p

Express rather than expect :)

how to save yourself when your gf watches you looking another girl

Different types of pee...funny image

When I watch Inception, I go deep....

Almost a heartattack... funny image

Doctor vs Engineers ... funny comparision

Two wise advices for married man

what student wants... funny image

Swett memories of school

Angry birds in your coffee :) funny image

Best campus selection ever....funny one

what you should wish when you got Genie ...smart wish

This is what we call Smart working

what happen when you go to royal casino and when you comes out of royal casino

funny facebook joke of spelling maniac :p

what to say when old people ask you "when you are going to marry?"

what to say when old people ask you "when you are going to marry?"

Some time you have to pick yourself.... Nice Motivational image

funny image to share on facebook

funny image to share on facebook.

love formula and equation of love... must see image

love formula and equation of love... must see image.

where to sit in class/seminar... nice image

How to loose verginity ... funny image

Another way of lossing the verginity.

More PJS

Whatz a PJ ?

Obviously "a poor joke"


Whatz a (P + i J)?






- A "complex poor joke"


Why don't people laugh on a "complex poor joke" ?

- scroll down for answer.......



















- more boss....












- Bcoz the joke part of it is
imaginary.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q - In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and the water level
of the pond increases. How?

Think...........try it







Yes you can................




No??? Cmon..


Can't answer..........scroll down











A - The other 9 fish are crying.................

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) : Phulwa, RaamPyaari,
RaamDulari,RaamPuri and RaamChuri were crawling on the wall when
all of a sudden, Phulwa started to sing a song. The moment Phulwa
stopped singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri and RaamChuri
fell down from the wall !!!... WHY ???


scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . . . . .
- .
- .
- .
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- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
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- .
- .
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- .
- .not getting, very simple
yaar..
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- .
- .
- .
- .
- .

coz, they all started clapping !!!!



------------------------------------------------------------------------

A women goes in an Auto (rickshaw) and gets bald??? How???


Lets C' if you can solve this one....




....


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...
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Can't think...c'mon...



..
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...

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Here goes the answer...



..
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..Automatically ( Auto-Mein-Takli).....:)-

--------------------------------------------------------------------------




Ek Aur PJ Isse kehte hain.........

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai.
lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai.
so he goes to the canteen.
canteen mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav khane ke
liye
uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein "jannat" likha hai.
To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska lecture attend
karke
aa raha hai! , us professor ka naam kya hai???

guess

scroll down for the answer
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- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
- ..
- .
- .
- .
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- .

The answer is :Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....





Don't scratch ur head, this is a song from the film "Dil Se"


One More

What wud u call a Gal who never laughs....?
- ...and the Answer
is..........
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- .
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- .
- ..
- .
- .Scroll down.
- .
- .
- .
- .
- .
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- .
- ..
- .
- .Just One Scroll ..
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- .
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- HASINA !




Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2
cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have
anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?





















Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the
boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other
cigarette



Another deadly answer. scroll down a little




































Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches
win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the
cigarette


If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down
























Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------
----




*****************************-*************************
Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each
other and want to get married, but cannot.
Why?




Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal.

This one gonna kill you.

Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu

ANY GUESSES ABOUT YEH KYA HAI ??????

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YEH KOYAL(NIGHTANGLE) KE GAANE KA REMIX HAI....hahahahahahahaha

Happy new year to all of you :) Enjoy the celebration of new year 2012

two stupid chickens :funny image