Funny Jokes,Clean Jokes,Funny Pictures,Love story, Nice Quotes and total entertainment
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
More PJS
More PJs.....
Ek bar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jata hai aur darwaja knock karta hai...
Gangubai:"Kaun?"
Santa:"Main!"
Gangubai:"Main kaun?"
Santa:"tu gangubai!!!!!"
Gangubai:"Kaun?"
Santa:"Main!"
Gangubai:"Main kaun?"
Santa:"tu gangubai!!!!!"
Hema, Rekha , sushma and jaya are 4 friends.
They all got marriage proposal from Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir nad Saif.
But none of them is ready to accept any of the proposal.
They all got marriage proposal from Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir nad Saif.
But none of them is ready to accept any of the proposal.
Kyunki....Hema, rekha ,jaya aur sushma...
Sabki pasand NIRMAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sabki pasand NIRMAAAAAAAAAAAAA
a doctor is examining his patient for some infection..............
but suddenly the infection gets transferred from the patient to the doctor.......why????????//
becos the patient has a bluetooth
but suddenly the infection gets transferred from the patient to the doctor.......why????????//
becos the patient has a bluetooth
Here is this King who always kills his newly wed wife on the first nightand offers her as a feast to the crocodile by the side of his house.
Everytime he gets married he does the same thing.
Before killing them he sings a song expressing the situation..
what is thesong he sings?....
Scroll down......
stop thinking, you are never going to get this
Humein tum se pyaar kitna
yeh hum nahin jaante
"magar"(crocodiles ) jee nahin sakte
tumhare bina!!!
Everytime he gets married he does the same thing.
Before killing them he sings a song expressing the situation..
what is thesong he sings?....
Scroll down......
stop thinking, you are never going to get this
Humein tum se pyaar kitna
yeh hum nahin jaante
"magar"(crocodiles ) jee nahin sakte
tumhare bina!!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Best Pickup lines - very funny
Is your dad a terrorist?
Cause ur the bomb.
Your dad must be a butcher,
cause ur a fine piece of meat.
Are your parents aliens?
Cause there’s nothing like you on this planet.
Are you a parking ticket?
Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.
Can i borrow your library card?
Cause i wanna check u out.
Do you believe in love at first site?
If you dont; let me walk by again.
Do you have a bandaide?
I scraped my knee falling for you.
Better call God,
He’s missing one of his angels.
Did it hurt?
Falling from heaven?
Do you have a map?
Cause i got lost in ur eyes.
Are u a burglar?
Cause u just stole my heart.
I’m not drunk,
I’m just intoxicated by you.
Were you arrested earlier?
It’s gotta be illegal to look that good.
Ya know, you look really hot!
You must be real reason for global warming.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime,
you’d be guilty as charged!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Best excuse when you are found sleeping on desk
It's okay...I'm still billing the client.
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
I was working smarter, not harder.
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !
I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
I'm in the management training program.
Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
The coffee machine is broke....Someone must've put decafe in the wrong pot.
Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!
It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?
I was cross-training for telecommuting.
Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
I thought you (boss) were gone for the day.
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
I was working smarter, not harder.
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !
I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
I'm in the management training program.
Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
The coffee machine is broke....Someone must've put decafe in the wrong pot.
Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!
It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?
I was cross-training for telecommuting.
Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
I thought you (boss) were gone for the day.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
There's always that doubt --stupid joke
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could youwatch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
"So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?" says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"Damn it, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could youwatch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
"So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?" says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"Damn it, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."
Monday, December 26, 2011
A MATHEMATICAL WEDDING INVITATION
A MATHEMATICAL WEDDING INVITATION
Mr & Mrs.Algebra welcomes u for wedding of their son
Differentiation with Integration
(Do, Mr & Mrs. Calculus)
Place: Matrix hall 5, Parallel Line St, Square root Tower,
Near Polynomial Hospital,
With Best Compliments from
Mr & Mrs. Vector
Mr & Mrs. Theorem
Bus Route: tan60, cos180, sec45, cot30, sin90.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Before and after wedding
AFTER ENGAGEMENT:
SHE: I waited so long for this.
HE: Do U want me to leave?
SHE: No. never!
HE: Do U love me?
SHE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do.
HE: Did you ever cheat me?
SHE: I would rather die than to do it.
HE: Will you kiss me?
SHE: Surely, it's my pleasure.
HE: Will you hurt me?
SHE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person.
HE: Can I trust you?
SHE: Yes.
HE: Oh, Darling!
To know AFTER WEDDING:
>>Read from bottom to top<<
Saturday, December 24, 2011
always give clear instruction to blonde ,......funny
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
chinese vs Steven Spielberg too funny
A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar. Spielberg suddenly slapped the Chinese..
Chinese: why?
Spielberg: Because you bombed Pearl Harbor! My father died there!
Chinese: But I am Chinese, not Japanese.
Spielberg: You fool! Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Taiwanese, you are all the same.
The Chines punched Spielberg.
Spielberg: Why did you do that?
Chinese: That's for sinking the Titanic.
Spielberg: But Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, stupid!
Chinese: Iceberg, carlsberg, spielberg, you are all the same!!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
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