Differnce between boy and girls perception

More PJS

More PJs.....

Ek bar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jata hai aur darwaja knock karta hai...
Gangubai:"Kaun?"
Santa:"Main!"
Gangubai:"Main kaun?"
Santa:"tu gangubai!!!!!"

Hema, Rekha , sushma and jaya are 4 friends.
They all got marriage proposal from Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir nad Saif.
But none of them is ready to accept any of the proposal.

Kyunki....Hema, rekha ,jaya aur sushma...
Sabki pasand NIRMAAAAAAAAAAAAA

a doctor is examining his patient for some infection..............
but suddenly the infection gets transferred from the patient to the doctor.......why????????//
 
 
becos the patient has a bluetooth

Here is this King who always kills his newly wed wife on the first nightand offers her as a feast to the crocodile by the side of his house.
Everytime he gets married he does the same thing.
Before killing them he sings a song expressing the situation..
what is thesong he sings?....
Scroll down......
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


stop thinking, you are never going to get this
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Humein tum se pyaar kitna
yeh hum nahin jaante
"magar"(crocodiles ) jee nahin sakte
tumhare bina!!!

Latest PJ

Latest PJ on Mallika Sherawat...

Santa: Mallika Sherawat always do wrong things yaar.This time even the name of her film is wrong.

Banta:What's wrong with that??/

Santa: Mallika Sherawat's new film name is HISSSSS........but it should be HERSSSSS....

hahahahahaha

different types of os

Apple OS, Andriod OS, JAVA OS, Symbian OS,Blackberry OS

Best Pickup lines - very funny

Is your dad a terrorist?
Cause ur the bomb.

Your dad must be a butcher,
cause ur a fine piece of meat.

Are your parents aliens?
Cause there’s nothing like you on this planet.

Are you a parking ticket?
Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.

Can i borrow your library card?
Cause i wanna check u out.

Do you believe in love at first site?
If you dont; let me walk by again.

Do you have a bandaide?
I scraped my knee falling for you.

Better call God,
He’s missing one of his angels.

Did it hurt?
Falling from heaven?

Do you have a map?
Cause i got lost in ur eyes.

Are u a burglar?
Cause u just stole my heart.

I’m not drunk,
I’m just intoxicated by you.

Were you arrested earlier?
It’s gotta be illegal to look that good.

Ya know, you look really hot!
You must be real reason for global warming.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime,
you’d be guilty as charged!

Best excuse when you are found sleeping on desk

    It's okay...I'm still billing the client.

    "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

    This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last  time management course you sent me to.

    I was working smarter, not harder.
    "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
    "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and  envisioning a new paradigm!"
    This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !
    I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
    I'm in the management training program.
    Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.

   This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

    "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

    Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

    The coffee machine is broke....Someone must've put decafe in the wrong  pot.

    Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!

    It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?

    I was cross-training for telecommuting.

    Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

    Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.

    The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

    I thought you (boss) were gone for the day.

There's always that doubt --stupid joke

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.

"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.

"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could youwatch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."

The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.

Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.

"So did anything happen?"

"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.

"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."

"Then what happened?" says the man.

"I don't know. It was too dark to see."

"Damn it, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."

A MATHEMATICAL WEDDING INVITATION

A MATHEMATICAL WEDDING INVITATION



Mr & Mrs.Algebra welcomes u for wedding of their son



Differentiation with Integration

(Do, Mr & Mrs. Calculus)



Place: Matrix hall 5, Parallel Line St, Square root Tower,



Near Polynomial Hospital,



With Best Compliments from



Mr & Mrs. Vector



Mr & Mrs. Theorem



Bus Route: tan60, cos180, sec45, cot30, sin90.

Before and after wedding

AFTER ENGAGEMENT:



SHE: I waited so long for this.



HE: Do U want me to leave?



SHE: No. never!



HE: Do U love me?



SHE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do.



HE: Did you ever cheat me?



SHE: I would rather die than to do it.



HE: Will you kiss me?



SHE: Surely, it's my pleasure.



HE: Will you hurt me?



SHE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person.



HE: Can I trust you?



SHE: Yes.



HE: Oh, Darling!



To know AFTER WEDDING:



>>Read from bottom to top<<

always give clear instruction to blonde ,......funny

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

difference between expectation and reality when you type "LOL"

Are you drunk.. image illusion

Moving coffee beans :)

facebook addicts

Troll Scientist -4 How to save water

chinese vs Steven Spielberg too funny

A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar. Spielberg suddenly slapped the Chinese..

Chinese: why?

Spielberg: Because you bombed Pearl Harbor! My father died there!

Chinese: But I am Chinese, not Japanese.

Spielberg: You fool! Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Taiwanese, you are all the same.

The Chines punched Spielberg.

Spielberg: Why did you do that?

Chinese: That's for sinking the Titanic.

Spielberg: But Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, stupid!

Chinese: Iceberg, carlsberg, spielberg, you are all the same!!

Specially on weekends this happens

Troll Scientist -3 how to fly

Troll Scientist -2 newton's third law of physics

Troll Scientist - How to run your car free-Very funny

This guy is genious, inventing one after another useless things.

How to steal facebook passwords of your friends....very funny

Misnomers - Nice facts

A misnomer is a term which suggests an interpretation that is known to be untrue. Here are a few examples:

1. An inchworm is neither an inch long, nor a worm.
2. Greenland is icy and Iceland is greener)
3. Panama hats are not made in Panama, but Ecuador
4. The “lead” in pencils is made of graphite and clay, not lead
5. Northwestern University is in northeastern Illinois, a midwestern state.
6. “Tin foil” is almost always actually aluminum.
7. Catgut is made from sheep intestines.
8. The Hundred Years’ War did not last for 100 years but 116.
9. Head cheese is actually a meat product.
10. “Horny toads” or “horned frogs” are actually lizards.
11. Though a starfish is star-shaped, as the name suggests, it is not a fish.
12. The titmouse is a bird, not a mouse.
13. Jellyfish are not fish.
14. The Washington Redskins play in Landover, Maryland.
15. The New York Jets and New York Giants play in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
16. Scotland Yard is located in England.
17. The “funny bone” is not a bone — the phrase instead refers to the ulnar nerve.
18. During its peak, rush hour often lasts more than an hour, with very little, if any, movement.
19. A parkway is a type of street or road where parking is generally prohibited.
20. A residential driveway is intended for parking.

Out Of Book Solution-- very very funny....must read

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor gets his history and gives him an exam, he discovers that the man has tried practically every therapy known for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the doctor, "I have migraines, too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school. But, it is advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while."

The doctor continued, "Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in five weeks."

Five weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for fifteen years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."

US debt...funny image

Hey guys I am back with new jokes

Hi Friends,
How are you all??Having fun??
I am back again with some new nasty jokes.Hope you will love it.

Funny Quotes :

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"
8. My reality cheque bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.

16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
28. If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.
29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
30. When everything is coming your way......you're in the wrong lane.

Most romantic line and deadly second lines rhyme.... must read

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

---

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

---

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

---

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

---

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

---

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

---

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

---

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

---

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

---

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

---

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

If you have any other such rhyme, leave it in comments bellow

Really lovely wife ??

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

who wants a talking dog ..funny joke

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes around the house and into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government."

"So I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down."

"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars", says the owner.

The guy says, "This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

how to communicate with wife

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does.
He said he can't communicate with me!"

how a man with no bad habits looks like .. very funny joke

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."

Story of life save Pig.....very funny story

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.”

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks “Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig’s neck?”

The farmer says “Sure. It’s really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son’s life. So, we gave him the medal.”

The vagrant is amazed and says “Well, how about that silver medal?”

The farmer says “A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.”

The homeless man says “While I’m at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.”

The farmer says “My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal”

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks “What about the wooden leg?”

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like THAT all at once!”

That is what manager do,Offload their worries ...very funny joke

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”

“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed.
“How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

Original sin.. very funny image

bedsheet for boys ..must see image

The best solution

Jesus Illusion

Concentrate on the four dots in the middle of the picture for about 30 seconds. Then close your eyes, or look up toward the ceiling. Within seconds you will see an image. Continue looking at the image…What Do You See?? Is it a heavenly sign?

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA who is the best? nice one

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. 

The LAPD goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Enginners and never worried for answer they will only ask which answer you want..very funny image

best management lesson ever by Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.... must see [image]

I said I Love U... very beatiful peom

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"


When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..


When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand... Afraid That I Might Dissapear...


When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me, And Kiss My Forhead N Said : "U Better Be Quick, Is's Gonna Be Late.."


When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."


When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear, But It's Time For U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."


When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me...


When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Smile At Me..


When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U...
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On.. I'M Reading  Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me  50 Yrs Ago..With Our Hand Crossing Together..


When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn't Say Anything But Cried...


That Day Must Be The Happiest Day Of My Life!
Because U Said U Love Me !!!


Please Appreciate Your Loved Ones.. Say "I Love You"
To Them When U Have The Chance Now !!!

Naming Ceremony. What your name means....... .. check it out !!

What ur name means....... .. check it out !!

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.

Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE) & (Is'nt it GRêT !!)

If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.
For Example : MARK

M - Success comes easily to you.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
R - You are a social butterfly.
K - You like to try new things..


A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E =You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have exce! llent ways of viewing people.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously
K =You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you..
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P =You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R =You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you w! hat to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

CHECK YOU'RE NAME MEANING AND YOU WILL FIND THAT THIS IS TRUE..............

Instruction of using ATM for Man and Woman ...... very funny

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

How to empty doctor's office ..funny one

A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"

Sure, doctor, what can I do for you, says the patient. 

"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage? Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says. 

"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" Asks the patient. 

"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients."

Another funny conversation between technicle support and customer

I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.

Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.

Anyway, the following call came in:

• Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work."
• Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?"

• Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system."
• Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?"
• Customer: "Yes, there is."
• Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?"
• Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know."

• Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day."
• Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"

• Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord."
• Tech Support: "One extra cord?"
• Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one."

At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.

• Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?"
• Customer: "On the back of the computer?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
• Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..."

I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.

• Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?"

Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case.

This is how blind pilots drive plane ...very very funny joke

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. 

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands. 

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

These lines very well describe the life of a person in his Twenties

I'm in my Twenties and these lines very well describe the life of a person in his Twenties. And for me... its a perfect fit.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.


You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.


You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.


Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.


You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.


You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better... Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person... You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!


We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

This is how problems are solved..nice one

A passenger jet taxiing down the runway, abruptly came to a stop, turned around and returned to the gate and stopped. Eventually, after an hour-long wait, the flight finally took off to air.

A scared concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
                

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine." explained the Flight Attendant.
 
“Well, I hope it’s all sorted now.” Replied the nervous passenger.
 
"Oh yes, it’s fine now Sir, it just took us a while to find a new pilot and replace him."

__._,_.___

why ac passes in capicitor but not dc? Very funny image

Most embarssing moment... very funny

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?"

She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. 

The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." 

The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

Nice thought with picture-23

Happy New Year to all of my blog readers...:) (Images)

Happy New Year.... Start your new year with this nice quote...image