What is love ? Different thoughts about love... what do you think about love??

What is love????......So What U Say...........

For all you people who say "I love you" when you have no clue what love is exactly!!! something to ponder upon.....


Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
It isn't love, it's like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??
It isn't love, it's lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??
It isn't love, it's luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there??
It isn't love, it's loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants??
It isn't love, it's loyalty.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??
It isn't love, it's low confidence.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them??
It isn't love, it's pity.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??
It isn't love, its infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??
It isn't love, it's friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of??
It isn't love, it's a lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??
It isn't love, it's charity.

***************************

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad??
Then it's love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong??
Then it's love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
Then it's love.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there??
Then it's love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are??
Then it's love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??
Then it's love.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?

This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

how to flirt . flirting tips for man and woman -2

FLIRTING TIPS FOR MAN

Make sure your hair is clean and your body and breath smell good.

You don’t have to douse yourself in after-shave, just take care of personal hygiene at the basic level. As like seeks like, dirty unwashed people will end up with dirty unwashed people! Fine if it suits you but if you are looking for something else……

Great States are catching

People love being around charismatic people because they seem to spread good feelings. Get yourself into the right state for flirting and go for it. The Flirting Weekend is designed to teach you how to feel good about yourself so that others will feel good about you.

When you buy a woman a drink, that is all you are buying

Don’t expect her to fall at your feet. Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a drink, watch when they receive it and smile, then look away – look back again later to show your interest. Don’t try to get a woman drunk – isn’t it preferable to have someone like you genuinely not because their senses are obliterated by alcohol.   And think twice if you think you HAVE to buy a drink to impress.   

Don’t do the rounds of a group of women

No woman wants to feel like second best. Refrain from approaching one after another in the same group. You look like a loser and the women may think you are desperate – any port in a storm Even if you are, don’t show it.

Concentrate on the conversation, not on getting a date.

Most women want to know what kind of person they are going out with. Make an effort to get to know her before diving in for a date

Give GENUINE compliments

There’s nothing worse than someone giving out a load of overblown lines. Everyone has something great about them, notice that and compliment them genuinely.

Keep your hands to yourself and respect their space

There are some people I call space invaders. Even when engaging in a casual chat they just seem to get too close. Some women have no objection to ‘touchy feely’ encounters, others are horrified by it. Respect the person until you have sussed out more about her. Touching can be a lovely flirty action, but should be confined to the arms or resting the hand just above the arms and NOT touching, until you know more. Test the personal space by moving closer, noticing the reactions then moving back a little to remove the threat

If you ask for a phone number, be sure you want to use it

Flirting and meeting people is NOT about trophy hunting it is about making new connections and having fun. If you don't intend to use the number, don't ask. There’s nothing worse than giving out a phone number and not having someone call. If you asked for it, use it .

Keep your self respect.   

Women always fall for men who are that little bit unreachable.   Don't hover or grovel or be desperate.   Think of yourself as special and know what you deserve.

And finally:

Be yourself. It’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later. Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you are at your best, you might want to do some work on it. There are plenty of courses and self-help books out there.

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Quote of the year : very funny

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

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how to flirt . flirting tips for woman and man -1

While this is great information, don't think that reading flirting tips alone will do the trick. What are you willing to invest in developing yourself? You can attend a workshop on yoga, martial arts, movement, DIY, painting, pottery, creating your dreams, group singing, acting, voice lessons, and even, that's right... flirting. You get to learn something AND you meet people with similar interests.

Flirting Tips for Women

Give clear signals

Men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. It’s not fair to flirt with someone for the fun of it – unless they are obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the 'hi, I'm friendly' flirting signals.

Great States are catching

People love being around charismatic people because they spread good feelings. Get yourself into the right state for flirting and go for it. Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you.

Carry something to get you noticed [Susan Rabin calls this a flirting prop]

If you want someone to approach you, be sure to wear or carry something that is eye-catching and noticeable to you. You will be surprised how much easier it is to go up to someone and ask a question about their prop.

Separate yourself from your friends

If you go out with a group of friends or even one girlfriend, make sure you separate from them so that you are more approachable. No man wants to be rejected in front of a group of women, and he may well feel he cannot approach you when you are ‘protected’ by a herd of other women!

Check your voice

Does your voice sound like a dental drill or do you wash people in waves of sensual sound?

If you are not interested, be polite when rejecting a man

‘Get lost nerd’ is NOT the way to say NO. Men who approach women may do so clumsily sometimes. If you are not interested, make it clear and be polite. It can be very difficult to get up the courage to approach a woman. Refuse someone in the way you would appreciate being turned down yourself. If you are sure someone is NOT for you you can say ‘I am sure you will find someone who is right for you, but I am sorry I don’t think it’s me. Remember that even if this person is not for you, they may have friend potential and who knows that benefits that can bring!! And now a short pause for a commercial break!

Be interesting by being interested

Cut down the talk about yourself and ask him open ended questions. Find out about him – after all people generally enjoy talking about themselves and feel flattered when someone shows an interest in them. This also gives him the cue that you like to know a bit about someone before exchanging numbers or accepting a date.

Ask him what he enjoys doing

Women and men often tend to fall back on the line ‘What do you do’? To some men, this can smack of ‘checking for wallet-padding’. Alternatively Not everyone is doing the work they love, YET and the question may put them on the spot. Men are much more activity orientated whereas women like to talk about emotions. Asking them what they enjoy doing in their life will allow find out more about what makes them tick.

If you give out your number, give the genuine one

Carry a personal or business card to hand out. This way you know that when you give out your phone number you either give out the genuine one or not at all. Imagine what it must feel like plucking up the courage to dial a woman’s number only to find it is the local Chinese take-away.

Make the first move!

95% of men I talked to said they would love to be approached by a woman. If women are looking for equality then it is only fair that they do their share of the asking. It will also give you an opportunity to understand what men have to go through when making a first approach.

And finally:

Be yourself.

It’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later. Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you are at your best, you might want to do some work on it. There are plenty of courses and self-help books out there.

This is how I negotiated with GOD for my friends....

God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD “Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!"

GOD said: But for 4 days only!

I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.

GOD said: 3 days...

I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

GOD said: No, 2 days!

I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time) .

GOD said: No, just 1 day!

I said: Yes!

GOD asked: Which day?

I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!

GOD laughed, and said: You know how to negotiate. But since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I can't refuse. I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.

Think about yourself before cheking state of other people...nice thought

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.


That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.


About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."


The husband said: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"


And so it is with life: "What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge. "

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Greatest English mistake..very funny image

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA......................

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This is how you are gonna show way to heaven...:)

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery  store.


While he was waiting, a man came to  him and asked, "Son,  can you tell me what is the way to the Post Office here?"


The  little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."


The man thanked the boy kindly and  said, "I'm the new pastor in town.  I'd like for you to come to my  church on Sunday.  I will show you the way to the Heaven."


The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Ya sure you  will ..... You don't even know the way to the Post Office here."

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how to handle snotty receptionist ...very funny

An  older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with  several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.


As he  approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large  unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.  He gave her his  name.


In  a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I  HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU  WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'


All  the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.


He recovered  quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO,  I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,  BUT I DON'T WANT THE  SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

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You get too violent when you drink....nice drunk joke

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You !!?? No way! You get too violent when you drink.

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How guys select the girl they want to marry....nice one

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!!  :)

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GURU's words

Here are some funny mantras by GURU.

1.Never drink while you drive.YOU COULD SPILL YOUR BEER.

2.Men wouldn't lie as much to the women if the women in their life DIDN'T ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS.

3.Women marry because they think that some day their man will change.Man marry because they think that their women will never change.BOTH ARE MISTAKEN.

4.Your Future depends on your dreams.Don't waste any time.GO TO BED NOW.

WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER? ..nice thought by software enginner....:)

WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER?
 
 
 
Dad used to give us a measly  20/- per month,
 
in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,
 
but we were able to save too!!!
 
Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea
 
where it goes, let alone saving it!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!
 
One project since we joined
 
and just one manager!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
We used to make notes;
 
we used to study for ranks!!
 
Now we scan thru our mails;
 
we struggle for our ratings!!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
We have still not forgotten the people
 
in our school!!!
 
Now we don't even know who sits
 
in the next cubicle!!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
After getting back from a tiring play,
 
we used to do our home work!!
 
Now who knows/cares about home;
 
all we do is just work!!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
We knew our history and economics!!
 
Now let alone reading books,
 
we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!
 
Which was better, the former or the latter???
 
----------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
We had an aim in life;
 
behind our backs we had our teachers!!
 
Now we have no idea about the
 
future nor do we find any
 
one who would tell us anything!!!
 
Now just ask yourself,
 
which was better,
 
the former or the latter????
 

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Mukesh Ambani,2nd richest man, in his 27 storeyed home..very funny

Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed home......

Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nita bhabhi on 16th floor, says ‘see you’ to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 crore Mercedes to office, but then, he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.

But on which floor?
15th, 17th, 19th, 14th, 21st, 16th or 13th ?
He phones all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, lift attendant on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable .

Fed up, after half an hour of frantic search, Mukeshbhai leaves in a huff in a chauffeur driven Ikon car.
At 3. 30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back , a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. The key had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found.

This was detected because of Nitabhabhi's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.
Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nitabhabhi with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukeshbhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 A.M. last night …

Mukesh replied that he was at home all night.
"Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M?
I was so much worried…I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nitabhabhi.
"Oh That helicopter….That helicopter came from Germany , sent by Mercedes people to deliver the duplicate car key".......mumbled Mukesh.  

Moral of the story : Stay in 1 BHK / 2 BHK flat only. The Least-Problem Home.

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This is what we call sudden change in mind :)

A man returning home a day early from a business trip 

got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. 

While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he 

would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having 

an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. 

For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the 

house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. 

The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket 

back and there was his wife in bed with another man. 

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. 

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very 

generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money." 

"He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for 

our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake." 

"He paid for our country club membership, 

and he even pays the monthly dues!" 

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. 

He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" 

The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket 

before he catches a cold."

 

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This will help to realize yourself

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Caguar Vs Baby Bear....awesome video....must watch

exercise for you my dear readers....

Dear Readers....
Its been while that I have talked to you but I had posted so many jokes,funny stuff,your zodiac mate detail..........

I think reading to much on computer can give your neck some trouble which I do not want.So here is neck exercise for you.

Thanks for listening me...funny picture

Thanks for listening me....other than you no body listens me

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Funny SMS

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.   ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Santa's umbrella has a hole.Some body asked "Why there is hole in umbrella??"
Santa replied "How do I gonna know that rain has stopped??"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********  

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!..funny one-2

A girl passed first class in B. Ed.(Bachelor Of Education) exam.His boyfriend became so exited that he messaged her father 

"Your girl is first class in Bed".

Her father fainted.

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!..funny one-1

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...

"I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her..!"

very humourous joke about software developer

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all  part of our team
now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen
for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals
promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very
hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has
disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The
cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss
has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you
idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of
the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team
leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything,
and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please
don't eat a person who is working."

very funny PJ

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the speed of light. On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.

 Stranger: 'Sir, can I know your name please'
 Gulshan : 'I am Gulshan Grocer'
 Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
 Gulshan: No it is Grocer.

  Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...








  scroll down for the ultimate PJ







  Further,,,









  ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

things comman to engineering colleges

21 THINGS COMMON TO ALL ENGG COLLEGES
 

1).The lecturers dont teach.The students dont study.The only guy who benefits is the one who owns the 'dhaba' next to the college.

2).Rules are made to be broken.

3).Promises are made to be broken.

4).Deadlines are made to be extended...ALWAYS!

5).Guys always think the chics in the college next lane are more beautiful.

5).The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.

6).The lab assistants are the most respected people(during the lab exams i.e)

7).The watchmen are the people most bribed.

.The HOD is the person most respected(heights of sycophancy here).

9).The principal is the person most abused and insulted(behind the back i.e)

10).Dropping subjects is 'cool'.(arre yaar..drop the idea of dropping subjects plzz).

11).There is always a lecturer in the college who cant speak proper 'english'.

12).Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.
 
13).All time u will be in debate with students of other branch as their branch is d BEST.


14).The most important tool..the bhramastra..is the 'chit' in which the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them(in most of the cases i.e)

15).The freshers are the most sought after..be it in the canteen,the 'free' periods or for completing the records,assignments.
 
16).One has to live in constant fear of a DROP all through the engg carrier as according to new revised stringent RULES any thing can happen to ANYONE.

17).The second-years are the ones with the 'I am the don-of-the-college' feeling iff one not has  MECHANICS KT of 1st sem.....
18).The third years are the ones with the 'so-many-backlogs' feeling and the poor souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so long.but the fun still continues.

19).The fourth years have no connection with the college whatsoever...with no interest in ragging,pulling each other`s legs,the bday parties,the bday bums et al which they enjoyed so much till now.All they want is a good placement and a '1st-class' tag attached to their memo.

20).The first three years are spent in cursing the college,the people there,the system et al.

21).But towards the end of the fourth year,people tend to feel nostalgic abt the pure unadulterated fun they have had for 4 years.Now the very system they disliked,the very canteen they cursed,the time that they spent there,the bday bums they suffered..all these seem like heaven to them.

how to know that you might be engineer .....funny enginner joke

You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you enjoy pain.

. . . you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says €œcentrifugal force

. . . you’ve actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.

. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.

. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in “math.”

. . . you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.”

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.”

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood more than five of these indicators

way to take break from the work...funny one

Two bone weary programmers were working their little hearts and
souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able
take a break. But there had to be a way...

  One of the two programmers suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to
get some time off work" the man whispered.

  "How?" asked the second worker.

  Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his
PL. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles
and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs
over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

  Within seconds, the PL emerged from the Branch Head's office at the
far end of the floor. He saw the programmer hanging from the ceiling,
and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

  "I'm a light bulb" answered the programmer

  "I think you need some time off," barked the PL. "Get out of here -
that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least
another two days! You understand me?"

  "Yes sir", the programmer answered meekly, then jumped down, logged
off his computer and left.

  The second programmer was hot on his heels.

  "Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

  "Home," he said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

really funny conversation between helpdesk and Customer....hahaha

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

====

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still

on my desk... sorry .

====

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left ?

====

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill

Gates damn it !

====

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it

says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in

front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

====

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?

Customer: No.

====

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

====

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's

happening.

====

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another

keyboard ?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !

====

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital

letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

====

A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?

Customer: Five stars.

====

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

====

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my

computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !

====

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you

please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4

hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?

====

Helpdesk: How may I help you ?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around

it ?